RSS FeedJun 03 2009
Things We Think About But Do Not Say
“What would happen if we started being honest with ourselves about what we really want?
What if we started being ruthlessly real? What if we actually said the things that we think about, but are afraid to say?
Our egos may shrink and squirm, afraid to face reality as it is; afraid to bypass all the pretense; afraid to confront the shear nakedness of authenticity.
But maybe if we could evade the grip of our ego-based fears, we could embrace unfiltered, unmediated reality.
Maybe, just then, we’d start to come alive.”
This quotes comes from Jonathon Mead’s most recent contribution to ZenHabits and it really resonated with me today. You can read the rest of Jonathon’s article here.
Probably the biggest benefit I’ve noticed from my week-long media fast is that it made it impossible NOT to have to come to terms with some things which haven’t been working in my life. (Plus it freed up a heck of a lot of time to actually address those areas.)
More on this particular subject later. However, here’s something to consider in the meantime… what, in your own life, aren’t you telling the truth about? What do you think but not say to others? And what are you afraid to say even to yourself?
If you really give it some thought, I bet you come up with some interesting answers.
“What would happen if we started being honest with ourselves about what we really want?
What if we started being ruthlessly real? What if we actually said the things that we think about, but are afraid to say?
Our egos may shrink and squirm, afraid to face reality as it is; afraid to bypass all the pretense; afraid to confront the shear nakedness of authenticity.
But maybe if we could evade the grip of our ego-based fears, we could embrace unfiltered, unmediated reality.
Maybe, just then, we’d start to come alive.”
This quotes comes from Jonathon Mead’s most recent contribution to ZenHabits and it really resonated with me today. You can read the rest of Jonathon’s article here.
Probably the biggest benefit I’ve noticed from my week-long media fast is that it made it impossible NOT to have to come to terms with some things which haven’t been working in my life. (Plus it freed up a heck of a lot of time to actually address those areas.)
More on this particular subject later. However, here’s something to consider in the meantime… what, in your own life, aren’t you telling the truth about? What do you think but not say to others? And what are you afraid to say even to yourself?
If you really give it some thought, I bet you come up with some interesting answers.
What a wonderful segway! Peel back the layers and find what you REALLY want and REALLY need – and why – and you find yourself on a bumpy but joyous ride! Why do I think I need a big house, more of the latest cool thing? Why am I jonesing? How does it make me feel tp have the biggest? Do I really still feel that way? Maybe I’ve out grown that old need because it doesn’t serve me anymore, doesn’t give me the feeling I used to seek.
I have found in my own evolution and self awareness what I really do want and need. In my bumpy journey to authenticity, which I’m still on, I have found that if am comfortable with myself I free those around me to be their authentic self. I believe in trusting and respecting others for their place on the trek – in doing that I allow them to shed and pretentions, masks, fears, defenses, etc. I’m not competing with anyone for a place in this world – there’s room for all of us. No one is better than another because they have a large house, or a large, car, or more cool stuff, yada, yada, yada. I truly do believe that the more we get in touch with our own authenticity we release our desire for MORE and get closer to that which truly feeds us.
Thanks for opening this topic Steph!! It is one of my favorite subjects. Need I mention there is peril for those on the journey to authenticity??
This is something that really resonates with me. Over the past 3-4 years I’ve started making this a part of my daily life, learning to say what I truly mean and really want. It’s terrifying when you start because you have to be honest with others but mostly because you have to be honest with yourself. If you take this and make it a habit it causes you too look much deeper inside you than you otherwise might, makes you ask yourself so many questions and evaluate your real motives and morals.
You could, of course, use it in just a small part of your life, such as being more honest with your work colleages about your opinions, or you can try being more honest with those close to you such as you partner, family etc. When a waiter asks how your meal was, do you automatically say ‘it was fine, thank you’ when in fact the meat was overcooked or the desert bland? Do you lie there when a partner touches you feeling slightly uncomfortable rather than saying ‘you know, I like it much more when you touch me like this!’. If someone at a party starts talking about a political issue you find abhorrent, do you stay quiet, seething gently inside at their attitude or do you come right out and tackle them on why their view is wrong?
Taking small steps is a great way to start, but if you let it become one of your tenets in life I assure you it won’t be dull. You’ll find yourself having to defend yourself more, you’ll upset some people certainly as we assume that defaulting to politeness is the normal way of behaving. I’m British, so have a certain level of reserve to overcome, but you’ll also gain respect as someone who stands by the opinions honestly, who speaks their mind and won’t try to sugar coat it too much. You’ll feel freed from having to always defer to the wider held view.
I found it utterly terrifying to start with but now that I’m more used to it, my life is infinitely better because of it. My new relationship has been founded in this principal of honesty, of saying what you feel and asking for what you want. I’ve spread it across the rest of my life and it’s brought me a level of confidence in myself that’s been lacking in the past.
I encourage everyone to try this, and to bring a new freedom to your world.
J.
Enjoyed reading “What We Think About But Do Not Say”. BUT – What do you do when you say what you think but get nothing but arguments in return? Example: I have lived with my significant other for 21 years (have not married for personal reasons). We argue and sometimes become verbally abusive on almost a daily basis because of his hoarding. Our yard, our house, every available space except for the kitchen and living room, looks like a junk yard. We’ve had the code board called on us three times and so far he’s cleaned up enough to pass, but then it happens again. Even at work I have a problem, my co workers say I’m to nice to the patients (I’m a medical assistant) and that they take advantage of me and that I talk to long and to much to them, etc.,etc. I don’t know how to respond. I’m always so afraid they will get mad at me if I try to stand up for my self. I’ve been there the longest and I’m the oldest but it doesn’t seem to help. Seniority means nothing these days. How do I say what I think without jeapordizing my friendship with these people? Would like to know how to stop being a pansy and get some inner peace for my self. Thanks for listening. LLS
[...] been a little while since I originally posted on this topic, but I had to say I was pretty amazed at the chord it seemed to strike with Coming Unmoored [...]