RSS FeedJul 13 2009
Things We Think But Do Not Say (Part 2)
It’s been a little while since I originally posted on this topic, but I had to say I was pretty amazed at the chord it seemed to strike with Coming Unmoored readers. One of the changes you will be seeing on this site in coming weeks is that you will see more of this kind of content.
Additionally, you will soon be seeing a modest discussion board area added to Coming Unmoored. I’ve resisted adding one to this site because I didn’t want to compete with the couple of really good tiny house boards that are already out there like Tiny House Forum and Tiny House Village. However, as Coming Unmoored starts to focus more on the why behind tiny homes rather than simply the what, I would like for there to be an area where readers can discuss ideas and connect with one another more than is currently possible in just the comments section of posts.
With that, I’d like to spend a little time discussing what some of my personal revelations were when I considered the following questions:
What would happen if we started being honest with ourselves about what we really want?
What if we started being ruthlessly real?
What if we actually said the things that we think about, but are afraid to say?
Spending some time really thinking about these questions has had a pretty profound impact on my current life and where I hope to be headed. At a high level I realized that I was really off-track with two key areas of my life: my romantic relationship and my career.
If you’ve been following the blog, you’ve already seen some of the fall-out in terms of my relationship with Charlie. While I still love Charlie very much, remaining with him was taking me in a direction different from what is deeply important for me to go. I very much want to have a family. I also want to continue to explore a lifestyle of simple, independent living. Neither of those things were going to happen with Charlie as my partner. In order for us to remain together, the compromises on both sides would have been too dear. So we ended up having to rebuild our relationship along different, platonic lines.
I have to say that letting go of Charlie was in no way an easy thing for me to do. I’m still grieving pretty deeply at present. That, no doubt, has contributed somewhat to the lack of personal entries you’ve seen online from me lately. There’s just a lot going on internally on that front I’m not yet prepared to put into words.
The second “broken” area of my life is my career. I’m not yet ready to discuss this one publicly in detail. Suffice to say, I have a passionate love/hate relationship with my current position. I have also been working insane hours for the last few months and that, along with some team issues, is sucking the life out of me. I am still trying to fashion the solution for this one. And “speaking my truth” in this environment would pretty much guarantee I had my pink slip handed to me in 24 hours flat. But for those of you who are close to me–it hasn’t escaped my notice that this area of my life is broken. I have no intention of allowing it to remain so. That’s probably enough to share for present.
With that, I’d like to ask: for those of you for whom the original piece resonated, how has it impact where you currently are? Did it shake things up a bit?
I would love to hear your stories.
It’s been a little while since I originally posted on this topic, but I had to say I was pretty amazed at the chord it seemed to strike with Coming Unmoored readers. One of the changes you will be seeing on this site in coming weeks is that you will see more of this kind of content.
Additionally, you will soon be seeing a modest discussion board area added to Coming Unmoored. I’ve resisted adding one to this site because I didn’t want to compete with the couple of really good tiny house boards that are already out there like Tiny House Forum and Tiny House Village. However, as Coming Unmoored starts to focus more on the why behind tiny homes rather than simply the what, I would like for there to be an area where readers can discuss ideas and connect with one another more than is currently possible in just the comments section of posts.
With that, I’d like to spend a little time discussing what some of my personal revelations were when I considered the following questions:
What would happen if we started being honest with ourselves about what we really want?
What if we started being ruthlessly real?
What if we actually said the things that we think about, but are afraid to say?
Spending some time really thinking about these questions has had a pretty profound impact on my current life and where I hope to be headed. At a high level I realized that I was really off-track with two key areas of my life: my romantic relationship and my career.
If you’ve been following the blog, you’ve already seen some of the fall-out in terms of my relationship with Charlie. While I still love Charlie very much, remaining with him was taking me in a direction different from what is deeply important for me to go. I very much want to have a family. I also want to continue to explore a lifestyle of simple, independent living. Neither of those things were going to happen with Charlie as my partner. In order for us to remain together, the compromises on both sides would have been too dear. So we ended up having to rebuild our relationship along different, platonic lines.
I have to say that letting go of Charlie was in no way an easy thing for me to do. I’m still grieving pretty deeply at present. That, no doubt, has contributed somewhat to the lack of personal entries you’ve seen online from me lately. There’s just a lot going on internally on that front I’m not yet prepared to put into words.
The second “broken” area of my life is my career. I’m not yet ready to discuss this one publicly in detail. Suffice to say, I have a passionate love/hate relationship with my current position. I have also been working insane hours for the last few months and that, along with some team issues, is sucking the life out of me. I am still trying to fashion the solution for this one. And “speaking my truth” in this environment would pretty much guarantee I had my pink slip handed to me in 24 hours flat. But for those of you who are close to me–it hasn’t escaped my notice that this area of my life is broken. I have no intention of allowing it to remain so. That’s probably enough to share for present.
With that, I’d like to ask: for those of you for whom the original piece resonated, how has it impact where you currently are? Did it shake things up a bit?
I would love to hear your stories.
Um, some parallels here are fairly scary! I guess what that translates to, is that no matter what you think you’re going through, others out there are pretty much doing the same thing, even though the names and places change. I too am smoked from my job, but there are things I really like about it, have a dead-end relationship quickly going in two very different directions, and am bored to tears with not doing much about it, except increased meds from my doctor, who is also a good friend, so I can maintain the status quo with the world at large. That really sucks too. Yes, I love run-on sentences with lots of pauses!
It’s my own writing style…
If you don’t mind, I’m going to post my response here and the italics questions from your post on my blog, as it’s pretty darned relevant to my own circumstances. I leave any of your personal stuff comepletely out of it, and just discuss the italics bullet points…
Thanks,
Phil in Texas (for now)
P.S. – Did you change your theme?
Hey, Phil.
Yes, I changed my theme. Thanks for noticing.
I’m sorry it sounds like you’re going through some rough times. I hope you’re able to figure out some answers. And, certainly, you’re more than welcome to use the questions above as a tool. That’s why I posted them.
Steph
I’ve always been one to state what is on my mind and folks that know me, know that I am “opinionated”! I found your original blog post, as well as the one above, to be insightful. Even thought I tend to state what is on my mind, I also hold back since I tend to have issues with being “tactful”.
I’m usually not one to beat around the bush and if asked, I’ll be as truthful as possible. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to curb a lot of my comments, but I still have to constantly work on ‘HOW’ I state things, as I tend to come across as being rude, mad or just pissed off. Most of the time that is not the case, nor my intent, but I still end up offending people. Most people can’t handle ‘blunt, to the point’ statements!
Unfortunately in this PC controlled world it has caused me problems at work. I’m sorry, but I refuse to be “PC”, as I feel that that is a big part of what is wrong with our current society. There is a time & place for everything and finding the balance between the two is what gives me trouble.
I also get frustrated with the double standards in today’s PC society. I always seem to come out on the short end of the boundary stick, so I tend to have my dad’s attitude towards people, which is: “People are a hassle”, so I tend to keep to myself…it’s when I venture out that I get myself in trouble!
I think the biggest problem I have is curbing my reactions to other folks’ being “offended” when I tell it like it is. I have the bad habit of rolling my eyes a lot. It always seems like I’m expected to respect other people, but yet I don’t get the same respect in return. I’ll always be struggling with that balancing act!
Anyway, I enjoy your blogs and really hope that you can get your inner conflicts squared away and find the happiness that you so richly deserve!
B.
Rough times are only that. It’s how we handle those times that define us. I’m sure I’ve handled these times better, but then, that’s life too. I’ve found, not for the first time, There’s a basic problem with honesty. Very basic. That is, no one wants to hear it! I wrote today what I felt. Wow. It had an effect alright! I only hope, it’s for the best. I still firmly believe that true honesty is best. I do.
Phil in Texas (but not much longer….)
[...] sounds like a couple of people may have gotten a little fired up about my recent series on Things We Thing But Do Not Say and been rather abruptly, uncomfortably honest with people around them to rather painful effect. [...]