RSS FeedJul 20 2009
“If I really told the truth…”
Telling the truth has consequences. In many cases, unpleasant ones. If that wasn’t the case, we’d all be a lot more honest than we are on a regular basis.
It sounds like a couple of people may have gotten a little fired up about my recent series on Things We Thing But Do Not Say and been rather abruptly, uncomfortably honest with people around them to rather painful effect. That really wasn’t my intended outcome, gang. I’m sorry if I got you off and running in the wrong direction.
What I am trying to emphasize here, is self-knowledge. I believe we have to start by getting really, bluntly honest with ourselves about what we really in our heart of hearts want for ourselves. It’s only after we’ve done this we can figure out how to start making the necessary changes and adjustments to be on track.
While perhaps not the easiest path to walk, I believe there are ways we can be true to ourselves and, at the same time, still compassionate with our loved ones and friends in terms of how we communicate our truth.
They key thing, to me, is knowing what that truth is. To that end, I’d like to suggest an exercise from Julia Cameron…
Every day for a week try completing the following phrase in writing twenty times:
If I really told the truth…
If I really told the truth…
If I really told the truth…
I pretty much guarantee that by Day Three you’re going to hate my guts for every suggesting such an inane exercise. Keep with it.
If I really told the truth…
If I really told the truth…
I also guarantee that you’ll start having some pretty interesting ends to that sentence. Go with it.
Do it for seven days. At the end of that time you should have 140 “truths”. Some of them will be completely vapid. (“I really should have gone for the double mocha chai this morning.”) Some will be profound. I guarantee that more than a few will take you by complete surprise.
I’d like to emphasize that as you do this exercise each day, don’t immediately run out and share the results. Be a little protective of your fledgling, truth-telling self. For now, it’s just important to get in touch with what your truth is.
Just do it for a week and see what you come up with. Then, if you feel like sharing here you’re welcome to do so. I think what’s more important, though, is what you’re able to honestly admit to yourself.
Telling the truth has consequences. In many cases, unpleasant ones. If that wasn’t the case, we’d all be a lot more honest than we are on a regular basis.
It sounds like a couple of people may have gotten a little fired up about my recent series on Things We Thing But Do Not Say and been rather abruptly, uncomfortably honest with people around them to rather painful effect. That really wasn’t my intended outcome, gang. I’m sorry if I got you off and running in the wrong direction.
What I am trying to emphasize here, is self-knowledge. I believe we have to start by getting really, bluntly honest with ourselves about what we really in our heart of hearts want for ourselves. It’s only after we’ve done this we can figure out how to start making the necessary changes and adjustments to be on track.
While perhaps not the easiest path to walk, I believe there are ways we can be true to ourselves and, at the same time, still compassionate with our loved ones and friends in terms of how we communicate our truth.
They key thing, to me, is knowing what that truth is. To that end, I’d like to suggest an exercise from Julia Cameron…
Every day for a week try completing the following phrase in writing twenty times:
If I really told the truth…
If I really told the truth…
If I really told the truth…
I pretty much guarantee that by Day Three you’re going to hate my guts for every suggesting such an inane exercise. Keep with it.
If I really told the truth…
If I really told the truth…
I also guarantee that you’ll start having some pretty interesting ends to that sentence. Go with it.
Do it for seven days. At the end of that time you should have 140 “truths”. Some of them will be completely vapid. (“I really should have gone for the double mocha chai this morning.”) Some will be profound. I guarantee that more than a few will take you by complete surprise.
I’d like to emphasize that as you do this exercise each day, don’t immediately run out and share the results. Be a little protective of your fledgling, truth-telling self. For now, it’s just important to get in touch with what your truth is.
Just do it for a week and see what you come up with. Then, if you feel like sharing here you’re welcome to do so. I think what’s more important, though, is what you’re able to honestly admit to yourself.
Maybe this could be followed by reading Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion by Marshall B. Rosenberg,.
First chapter here for free: http://www.cnvc.org/.
Steph, no apologies needed.
To others out there: I was one of the ones that took the previous questions right to heart, which is out on my sleeves, and got trounced for it.
It’s ok. I knew what I was getting into. I still do. It just makes the coming adjustments easier…
Phil in Texas