RSS FeedNov 04 2009
“Hand of God” Days
October 15, 2009 turned out to be what I’ve come to refer as a “Hand of God” Day.
Those are the handful of days in my life when it feels as though whatever divine entity who’s in charge of the universe exceeds his (or her) patience waiting for me to grasp whatever the current lesson is I’m supposed to be grokking and decides to step in in a far more direct fashion to move things along.
My “Hand of God” Days have never been pretty affairs. But then, I guess that’s rather unrealistic to hope for when Fate decides to step in and starts rearranging things in someone’s world like a two-year-old redecorating a doll house.
My last real “Hand of God” day prior to the most recent was the day my now ex-husband came home from work, made us a lovely three-course meal and then, between course one and two calmly informed me that he’d decided the best thing he could do is go out, buy a gun from Walmart, and blow both of us away “to put us out of our misery”. Suffice it to say, I didn’t end up staying for dessert. That was the day when I realized I really had to get out of my marriage before I ended up dead..
My current “Hand of God” day involved me checking in for my weekly one-on-one with my boss only to be greeted by an HR Rep and the information that my employer no longer required my services.
Now, anyone who’s been following this blog will probably know that I’d been struggling with my job for awhile. Actually, “struggling” is too polite a word. My job has been knocking the snot out of me most of 2009. In September I’d actually started to enact a plan I’d hashed-out in the hopes of eventually being able to transition out of my current job into something I hoped to like more. But the time frame for my escape was apparently way-too-conservative for the Powers-that-Be. So the Divine hand dropped in to the picture and handed me a pink slip from my high-salary job in the banking industry.
I’m almost embarrassed to admit that my first reaction upon receiving the news was: “Oh thank, God. This means I don’t have to work through the weekend again!” The panic of being jobless and having no immediate prospects for a new position didn’t hit until the middle of that first night.
Since then, I’ve been busily doing all the right things. I’ve been going through all the paperwork hoops for Unemployment benefits. I’ve gotten my COBRA coverage up and running. I’m networking. I’m interviewing. I’ve actually found a couple of positions I feel I’d be a great match for. But all of this still falls into the category of “survival mode” for me. These are the things I need to do in order to weather the current storm.
There still remains to be answer the bigger question of what I want to be doing with my life. How do I want to use my remaining time on this planet and given talents? And I know I need to figure out the answers to that question soon.
The universe just handed me an opportunity to point my life a new, better direction. And I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that if I don’t seize this chance the way I’m supposed to, things will get impatiently shaken up again. And again. Until I get the lesson.
No offense to the Powers-That-Be, but one snowglobe-style shake-up of my life every couple of years is quite enough. So please believe me when I say: “I’m on it, Boss.”
October 15, 2009 turned out to be what I’ve come to refer as a “Hand of God” Day.
Those are the handful of days in my life when it feels as though whatever divine entity who’s in charge of the universe exceeds his (or her) patience waiting for me to grasp whatever the current lesson is I’m supposed to be grokking and decides to step in in a far more direct fashion to move things along.
My “Hand of God” Days have never been pretty affairs. But then, I guess that’s rather unrealistic to hope for when Fate decides to step in and starts rearranging things in someone’s world like a two-year-old redecorating a doll house.
My last real “Hand of God” day prior to the most recent was the day my now ex-husband came home from work, made us a lovely three-course meal and then, between course one and two calmly informed me that he’d decided the best thing he could do is go out, buy a gun from Walmart, and blow both of us away “to put us out of our misery”. Suffice it to say, I didn’t end up staying for dessert. That was the day when I realized I really had to get out of my marriage before I ended up dead..
My current “Hand of God” day involved me checking in for my weekly one-on-one with my boss only to be greeted by an HR Rep and the information that my employer no longer required my services.
Now, anyone who’s been following this blog will probably know that I’d been struggling with my job for awhile. Actually, “struggling” is too polite a word. My job has been knocking the snot out of me most of 2009. In September I’d actually started to enact a plan I’d hashed-out in the hopes of eventually being able to transition out of my current job into something I hoped to like more. But the time frame for my escape was apparently way-too-conservative for the Powers-that-Be. So the Divine hand dropped in to the picture and handed me a pink slip from my high-salary job in the banking industry.
I’m almost embarrassed to admit that my first reaction upon receiving the news was: “Oh thank, God. This means I don’t have to work through the weekend again!” The panic of being jobless and having no immediate prospects for a new position didn’t hit until the middle of that first night.
Since then, I’ve been busily doing all the right things. I’ve been going through all the paperwork hoops for Unemployment benefits. I’ve gotten my COBRA coverage up and running. I’m networking. I’m interviewing. I’ve actually found a couple of positions I feel I’d be a great match for. But all of this still falls into the category of “survival mode” for me. These are the things I need to do in order to weather the current storm.
There still remains to be answer the bigger question of what I want to be doing with my life. How do I want to use my remaining time on this planet and given talents? And I know I need to figure out the answers to that question soon.
The universe just handed me an opportunity to point my life a new, better direction. And I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that if I don’t seize this chance the way I’m supposed to, things will get impatiently shaken up again. And again. Until I get the lesson.
No offense to the Powers-That-Be, but one snowglobe-style shake-up of my life every couple of years is quite enough. So please believe me when I say: “I’m on it, Boss.”
Steph,
Congratulations on gaining your freedom. Give this site a look – http://www.briankim.net/blog/2006/07/how-to-find-what-you-love-to-do
It’s a good exercise. I hope it provides some clues.
David
Wow, I’m not sure if you’re lucky to get the message that clearly or not. It took almost 2 years from my first signs of “you need to make some changes” to become “GET OUT NOW.” At least you know enough to listen to yourself and do what needs to be done.
Good luck on your new path, whatever that may be, and keep us posted!
Congrats and Condolences, Steph. I got out last week of September, and other than some financial upheavals I didn’t expect, am quite happy for it. I hope the best. And yes, two Hands (backhands?) from God in two years is enough for anyone!
phil
Wow. Heavy stuff for you to carry around alone – thanks for sharing. I wish you the best with your adventures, as I’m sure they’ll lead to brighter days. Best wishes.
Well, Steph, as another woman who hit forty and thought life would be rather different than it is… I hear you!
I too am in the middle of a renovation of house and also my life! I will probably be moving again in a year or so, but I am actually rather thankful to have this time, and awareness. My hope, and it sounds like it may be similar to yours, is to become more centered, more alive and give myself permission to spread my wings…. sometimes, that happens in mid-fall!
I don’t have it all worked out, but for what it’s worth, I hear you and I wish you all the very best! May you be rather cat-like and land on your feet!
All the best! L.
Wow! Good luck with this transition. It’s a good sign that you’re aware, alert, and ready to navigate the precarious waters of change!
Hi Steph, I just realized that I never commented on this the other day when I read it. But let me assure you, it made quite an impact. I was at a coffee shop doing work on my laptop with some of my fellow Social Documentation friends and when I got to the section about what your ex had said, my jaw dropped to the floor. I literally couldn’t close my mouth. I just wanted to tell you that I have so much respect for you and all that you have done in your life, and continue to do, to rise above difficult situations. Kudos to you for being a strong woman who can dig herself out of really shitty situations.
I’ve been backtracking blog and site posts to get info on small house design and living…and I’m addicted to live-aboards and houseboating. This post, brutally honest and self-examining, left me admiring your journey and your strength. Thank you. And, thanks for the terrific site and useful information…and laughs. gg
about the things that can go wrong and do go wrong when adjusting to a simpler, less materialistic lifestyle. I hope all the good things you do for others comes round to you tenfold. gus
Hiya Stephanie!
Thank you for sharing this! Hey, at least you were able to get your little house before the 2nd “Hand”!! Congratulations! And I hope you find what you really love to do really soon.
I have also experienced this divine lesson-learning and provision experience. June of this year was a very eventful month. I signed my divorce papers, attended my brother’s wife’s funeral during the first week I started my NEW job, and moved into a new apartment that had a waiting list –my turn was up just in the nick of time. Oh yeah, and I also had a birthday.
This new job that I have barely pays the rent and utilities, and I keep thinking that if I had my tiny house already, then things would be so much better for me and my daughter. I wouldn’t have to struggle to pay the rent and I wouldn’t have to be working this 2nd job like I am. But we are in the process, still of downsizing our possessions. And I’m sure everything will fall into place very soon for us AND for you!
You’re a smart lady and I know you’ll find some other job very soon. What doesn’t make you bitter only makes you better!
Best of Blessings to you!–Donna
Hand of God moments are always blessings in disguise – and rarely enjoyable while you ride out the wave.
Best of luck Steph.
Excellently written piece…thank you for sharing it.
Where I procrastinate, you make progress in your life.
Your site is one (of a few) that I’ve found, that is helping me find ways to simplify and improve my life. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading. Vester
[...] for me on the job front which I’ll talk about in later posts. However, suffice it to say, the “Hand of God” phenomena seems to be [...]
Steph, you have much going for you and much to be thankful for. You, and only you can make thisnew year YOUR year. Do yourself a favor – get “Toxic Coworkers” by Alan Caviola and Neil Lavender. Read it. Then read chapters 3, 4 and maybe 6 again. Yes, you will get mad. But you must understand who you are before you can begin to understand exactly why everything is the way it is. Hopefully you will (eventually) find the book enlightening and inspiring in curious sort of way. My dad taught me early on one of life’s key lessons – to step back and look at yourself as others see you. He taught me to do it often, especially after things just didn’t go as planned. Sometimes what you see is tough. It will make you stop, and rethink yourself, especially on things important and essential. Life is passing by, and it is best to know where you are going before you decide to ‘come unmoored’. But understanding yourself is critical in finding the proper direction to move forward.
Best of luck and my highest compliments on a most interesting web site. I am quite certain that this site is a reflection of the very interesting woman behind it.
about the things that can go wrong and do go wrong when adjusting to a simpler, less materialistic lifestyle. I hope all the good things you do for others comes round to you tenfold. gus
Ah, Steph, read this after one of your decluttering posts…didn’t know you had these ‘Hand of God’ experiences…Sorry they were so abrupt, but so glad they were clear. I hope that your new Life is one of Joy, Healing, and Laughs. As Isak Dinesen once wrote, “The cure for anything is saltwater – sweat, tears or the sea.” Keep on Writing!